gray ;

What does it mean to be a good parent. What does it mean to be a good child. What does it mean to be a good husband or wife. It is never all black and white. I don't know how a professional would handle things but I don't think there is an easy answer to anything. What does it mean to be a good child? Do you have a debt to your parents for everything they've given you? Of course you do but where do you draw the line on what is unforgiveable or what is understandable.

Where do my emotions come from? where does my reasoning in my emotions come from? what do they stem from. I love my mum. I don't know if I still love my dad. I don't know if he is forgiveable. He isn't the entirely the villain of the story but my mum is the helpless princess that does not deserve anything bad that has happened to her. He is the villain of multiple subplots though. I worry about her a lot. She's really a helpless girl that was misled into many things because she couldn't get enough knowledge. I don't often talk about my family because I know definitely there are more worse off families with issues than mine but my family is my family and I don't even know what that means.

Please never tell me that my dad is a nice person. Never. Looks can be deceiving in this case they definitely are. Don't ever tell me that he is a good person. He may be a good person to a lot of people but that is because they don't know anything. In my eyes he will never be that. Not with what I've seen. This isn't even a rant. It has been this way since I've become aware of the family. It started even before I was born.

When I think about my mum's life I cry a lot. She has had a sad life. She doesn't deserve any of the bad things she's gotten in life. I think what did she do in her past life that made her deserve this. If I do believe in Buddha, which I did before, I pray that she reincarnates into someone or something that will be cherished and loved and never ill received or ill done.

I don't even know what I should do and where I should stand. There are so many things and details that are grey. It's kind of like you are face with choosing whether to sacrifice one person you love or the entire world. I've been this way for a long time, unsure and unwilling to do anything because I'm unsure.


- Lyhnn